Her first sentence

Zoya managed to string together her first complete sentence this weekend. Baby baie jabe..maane baby wants to go for a walk outside !!! Now in bursts of course the sentences come out...baby dudh khabe, mama baby come etc etc. Was fun to witness this milestone of hers . Zahir was in Kolkata as well and we had a good time , cooking together and playing on the terrace. It amazes me sometimes that Zu is so understanding and she gravely told her dad on being asked baba kothay jabe the night before he was leaving.....billi (her version of delhi ). guess kids know and understand much more than we give them credit for sometimes. Of course the reverse works. Yesterday I spent the whole evening trying to make her pee in her potty and no success as she simply refused and in the battle of wits mom lost hopelessly in the end !!!

4 down

Done with the 4th chemo ....and this time it was the best. Just 2 nights in the hospital and I was back on sunday night. Such a relief to be back. And the best part is the major part of the chemo is over. Just 2 more to go.....seems so long since the first one and then it seemed like a long long way to go. But it is ending soon and I can see the finishing line.Plan to spend this week just chillin and watching tv and of course playing with Zoya. Look forward to Zahir's visit in the weekend. Life looks good :-)

Veins

Ever since I have started my chemo I find myself looking at peoples' veins.I always envy people with nice and prominent veins as I have a problem in that area. All nurses and doctors have problems locating my veins for administering chemo drugs through channels on my hands. So it is a perpetual worry for me :-)...and now it has almost become an obsession as I find myself staring at peoples' hands and veins !!!! Zoya is now going to school and everyday it is a struggle as she wails and yells refusing to go. However once inside she seems to be adjusting and playing with the other kids. Keeping my fingers crossed as the ' adjusting to school' period goes on...Friday I am back to Thakurpukur. Actually waiting for that as it will mean that the 4th chemo is almost on its way over.

Weekend was a blast...Babai had been looking forward to this for ages. Both his jamais were in Kolkata and Salt Lake house had not witnessed so much activity and so many people in a long long time. Party started from Friday itself after Zahir landed and it was just incredible. Endless adda over tea and samosas, elaborate meals , idle conversations around dinner table and watching movies and ludo games............... it was just perfect. Buls, Zahir and Soumya were at Mashi's place for dinner on Saturday and they had a great time. Mashi and Meshomoshai were the perfect hosts and pulled all stops to have the most amazing spread. Bulbuli and Soumya realised how much they loved us and the warmth and genuine concern came out....overall an eyeopener and lot of their preconceived notions were blown away. Overall a perfect weekend and perhaps not likely to have such a good time with all of us together in quite a while.

Why me

Last couple of days I have been having some "why me " moments. It is heartening to read Babai's comments on how much of a positive spirit I have but sometimes I get engulfed by feelings of why am I suffering so much. I am in a situation where my job which meant so much to me has all but gone and I have a new mean Boss who is not being so nice to me...I am not in a position most of the time to even take my daughter in the lap and play with her and most of the time I have to grit my teeth and bear the pain of injections and reactions to medicines etc etc.I miss my home, my bed , my nice clothes, I miss my hair, I miss going out to eat and watching movies in the hall. With all the good things that are also happening around me I know I need to tell myself that this too shall pass but honestly it becomes very very difficult to reconcile with that. I am reading Lance Armstrong's autobiography where he talks about dealing with cancer and I can identfy with it in so many ways.....but truly is this the most life changing experience for me ? Is surviving cancer going to be the single biggest achievement for me ? Is the quota of suffering and disease going to be over once i get through this ? I wonder...............

Funday Sunday

This weekend was great fun. I came back from the hospital on Saturday and on Sunday buls and Soumya came over. We had a blast. Chatting endlessly and catching up. Lunch was sumptuous and after many days I entered the kitchen and made a salad which everyone proclaimed was "delicious". In the evening we all ie Zoya, Zahir, myself, Buls and Soumya went out for a drive. It was an amazing experience for me to get out of the house for just a pleasure drive instead of hospitals and doctor visits. We bought wine and kababs and biriyani had a great party in the evening in the house. The opening of the wine bottle itself was a hilarious episode with bottle openers that broke, screwdrivers and mom's kitchen scissors which were all put to good use :-). But alls well that ends well and the wine was finally consumed albeit with bits of cork to enhance the taste. As I went to sleep that nite I realised for the first time that on that day I had not thought about being sick the whole day and for quite a while I had actually forgotten that I was ill. It was such a wonderful day and I just hope and pray for more of such occasions to come back in my life. I miss it so much.................

Watchd Rang de Basanti yesterday till 1 am. Liked the movie a lot. This time at the hospital Buls and me are watching movies everyday. This is the longest I have spent at Thakurpukur about 7 days...was missing Zoya a lot yesterday. It sucks man some times ...........really. Reading a book " The Secret" and it is interesting. Trying to consciously apply some of the lessons.

More later...feeling very hungry now :-)