Why Saikat

Losing faith in god...got the news yesterday that saikat is diagnosed with a tumour in spine. Things look hopeless ...in his own words he is thinking this is bad dream from which someone will come and wake him up.Why why why ? Why Saikat. Has he not enough on his plate?Managing a paralytic father last 20 years and assuming all responsibilities of the family with a smile and a shrug. What more does he have to endure. I dont believe that testing him continuously for so long will make him stronger. He is strong enuff and he does not need this. Feel so helpless...all the old thoughts, fears and feelings I went thru last year are coming back....please god do something...what can I do, how can I help him ?

Normal life finally ???

It is finally over. Radiation got over today and my doctor told me the great news that my treatment was over in all respects. I am now free to get into my old life and "normal" routine. Some times I wonder has this all really been a life altering experience? As of now I cannot seem to remember much of the painful events of last year.Keep thinking of the parties and fun and celebrations I am gonna have. Also today was another red letter day as Zoya started school in Delhi. I was allowed to stay with her as it was her first day. In fact I was having a great time there and was actually enjoying myself more than her I think. But she seemed to take to the teachers and environment rather well. Catch u later and shall keep you updated on the party !!

School for Zoya

Started the radiation from yesterday. This hopefully is the concluding phase of my treatment. I am just dying to get back to life ie my old life and "my normal " self. We spent the weekend checking out schools in Delhi for Zoya and boy was it an experience. In fact in one school both Zahir and me had to go through painful one hour of lesson plans and worksheets and projects of nursery classes by a very determined teacher. She glared at us even if we even hinted moving on to some other query till she was through with us !!!After visiting 3 schools we are as confused as ever and have no clue where to put her. Hope next weekend we can decide and I am hoping for some sign from the heavens above to guide us !!! Am sure life was simpler at our times (and I never thought I would say this).....That friends is just the beginning of the tough times ahead for us parents of the 21st century. Well more later as we finalise the foundation steps for our Madam Zoya Advika

Its ok !!!!!!

Yahoo...the biopsy report is ok. Am now officially cancer free . Am free free free. This is the silver lining that we have been all waiting for so long. I cannot believe it still and it is yet to sink in fully. The docs were amazing and whole morning have been inundated with calls from friends and family. ma who never cries , burst into tears after hearing the good news imagine. Could sense the relief in the voices of Buls and Soumya too as I spoke to them. It is a big conspiracy I tell u...I have had the gods of all religions Hinduism, Islam, Christianity, Buddhism and Sikhism on my side....Its party time !!!

What next ??

Writing after ages. The last 2 weeks passed in a maze of confusion as we did the rounds of hospitals and doctors in delhi and Mumbai to get a definitive opinion on the next course o treatment. Was telling Zahir that I think every hospital in India will soon have a file in my name. Buls calls me the international patient as there are files of me in US too !!!We decided to go in for a Stem cell transplant eventually as that is the most comprehensive cure. Was feeling very concerned about how we would drum up sufficient resources for meeting the expenses. But we had little to worry about as without even having to voice it my brother, sister, parents, friends are standing by with money to get us through this. What an amazing support system I have. seriously I feel sometimes what have I done to deserve this. We are so blessed. As of now I am going in for a biopsy tomorrow and depending on the results will decide on next course. The only solace is the doctor who would be operating on me has himself recovered fully from this same disease 12 years back and is an example to me !!

Home

Back home !!! Came back to Delhi and home. From the time I entered home and started settling in I have begun to feel "normal ". Cannot remember the events of the last 6 months it seems. Dying to get back to my previous schedule. Met one doctor yesterday who would be the person I would be seeing most probably for the remainder of my treatment. She was so nice it was amazing. For the first time a doctor actually asked me how I was feeling and wanted to know if I was "ok" about my hair loss and facing my disease. A doctor who actually saw me as a human being and not like some dumb diseased animal as I had been used to being thought of and treated all this while at Thakurpukur !!!Anyways time to look forward and and put the events of the past behind me. Zu is a lil confused in her changed setting and she is actually missing pluto-the one being in saltlake house with whom she had a love hate relationship. But we are all settling in and Zahir cant stop grinning. He is so thrilled to have his family back!!

It is over !!!!!

Yes yes yes....it is finally over. Thru with the 6 chemo cycles and back home. Bit of an anticlimax really as I have been waiting and waiting for this day so much that now am at a loose end believe it or not. Cant decide how to feel :-)....just waiting to recover this week and then I should be back in Delhi by 2nd week of May for some tests and radiation etc. What a journey it has been. Rushing to kol overnight with just some 6 sets of clothes, surgery, ICU, cnfusion over diagnosis, chemo, infections etc etc ....cannot believe what all I experienced in these few months. Overriding of course remains the thoughts of family, sister, brother in law,mom, Zahir, dad and Zoya's constant presence and love, rally of friends and strangers, colleagues and casual acquaintances...met so many incredible people. Cannot wait to be back to my life and get back with things............needed this experience also i suppose to appreciate what I have much more !!!Catch u all later with more updates on this 'golden" period. Thanks again to all who are reading my blog and posting comments. feels wonderful that am in ure thoughts and prayers